If you are asking yourself this question about your relationship, you are in a very tender place. Congratulations for asking yourself a very hard question. This takes courage. You are weighing the options, looking deeply at your situation, feeling fairly confused. Perhaps you are looking for guidance. Good news. You don’t have to figure it all out on your own.
Here are a few ways you can begin to get a handle on your intense emotions and get some perspective on your relationship.
Safety. Do you worry your partner may hurt you physically or sexually? This is a premium red flag. This one is a GO.
Respect. Do you and your partner respect each other? Is there name calling, put-downs, humiliation or mocking? What is the response when disrespect is addressed? This is a red flag, a sign that it is time to get some coaching help – either as a couple or individual.
Love. Do you feel loved by your partner? Cherished? How often do you feel this way? While you are mad at each other, is there still an underlying knowing that you are loved? This is key. We all deserve to love and be loved.
Like. Does your partner know you? Do they know your dreams, your ambitions or what you love about life? Do you feel like your partner is with you or against you? Is your partner a good friend? This is an important factor in an intimate relationship.
Support. Does your relationship expand your life or make it smaller? Does your partner enjoy sharing experiences that you are interested in? Do you share friends? Do you encourage each other to live more fully? Perhaps these elements were present at the beginning of the relationship but now that feeling is fading?
Of course, no relationship is totally perfect – and all humans have flaws, but if you are struggling with these things, you may want to look at your personal standards for relationship. Expecting too little, we can fool ourselves into believing that a painful relationship is better than no relationship at all. The 5 step Conscious Uncoupling Process can help us unravel our confusion and heal our unconscious patterns so that we may have a clearer understanding of our relationship and ourselves. First, we uncouple from our own unconscious patterns in relationship. Then we can have more clarity about whether we need to uncouple from our current partner.
For another great read on this topic, check out my Mentor, Katherine Woodward Thomas’s article – 3 Questions to Ask Before Ending Your Relationship.
In the meantime, take a breath and enjoy this 80’s classic.